DISCLAIMER: This blog post is a step I am taking to overcome my fear of voicing my opinion. This is in no way related to any circumstance or people in my life rather just on the lesson I learnt from MY mistakes.
A reader’s comment in my last blog post really got me thinking, so much that I felt the need to create this post. Everyone of us has responsibilities towards others that we need to fulfill for the pleasure of Allah, no doubt and I just felt the need to share my opinion on what I have learnt about life and responsibilities.
The reader says:
“How can you be tired of your responsibilities of being a Daughter and a Wife? That won’t direct you to the path of Allah ….. Allah will not be pleased if you run away from your responsibilities !! Allah himself says in Ayah 21,Surah Ar Rum, chapter no.30 HOLY QURAN : ” And among the signs is this that He created for you wives(spoues) from among yourselves, that you may find repose in them, and He put between you affection and mercy. verily, in that are indeed signs for people who reflect”.
The relationship between husband and wife is unique. Each partner has lots of rights; but the rights do not come without responsibilities. let us try to understand what are the rights and responsibilities of husband and wife.”
JazakaAllahu Khair for your feedback
I understand my post makes you think I am tired of responsibilities. I won’t deny that I am and that is because somewhere I had made my duties towards others the purpose of my life.
Now I have come to understand that responsibilities do not make you who you are and do not have to define the purpose of your existence. Responsibilities are part of life and not life itself. They don’t define YOU.
I am trying to learn that I don’t have to change my core in order to fulfil the responsibilities and duties I have towards others. I can and need to be myself, happy in my own skin, focusing on my goals and purpose of life while fulfilling the responsibilities towards others in order to please Allah subhanahu wa’taala.
Yes you may have to adjust and compromise here and there but not such that instead of being a slave of Allah, you end up being slave to your nafs and people. Because that’s what happens most of the time. When our focus and purpose becomes needs of others and their pleasure we become so used to doing what people want us to do that we don’t even realise when we have crossed the limit set by Allah; our self worth and decisions becomes dependant on the approval of people instead of approval of Allah.
Prophet salAllahu wa sallam said: Your body has a right over you, your eyes have a right over you and your wife(spouse) has a right over you. (Sahib Bukhari)
Change begins with you first. Your body, your conscience, your health, your life is an amanah(blessing) from Allah and that also is a *responsibility* you have to take care of. How can I fulfill the responsibility towards others if I can’t fulfill the responsibility I have towards myself? How can I keep someone else happy if my own happiness tank is empty, how can I give someone else what I do not possess in the first place?
In order to be able to love others you need to first learn to love and accept yourself for who you are. Only then you will be able to give others their due right without draining yourself out. You need to have some bigger purpose that you want to live by only then will you not be shaken by the everyday trials of life. And that’s exactly what I am trying to do.
I am still on my way to learn how to balance like Prophet salAllahu alayhi wa sallam thought us to and inshaAllah I will learn that but one step at a time.
Loads of Duas,
P.S.Currently my self esteem and confidence is zero so yeah the previous blog post is just a step in the direction to help me help myself. I am trying to teach myself that in order to be a good daughter or a good wife I don’t have to be afraid to be myself.