The Pursuit Of Peace.

 Peace. A word that a year back meant nothing more than just a word to me. A word that I might have used once in a while, but it didn’t really mean anything to me. A word not of much importance in my life.

Today, the same word holds a whole new meaning. It means Peace – of mind and heart. Serenity of my mind and heart. Peace with my past, present and future. Peace with myself.

Sometimes I could be smiling, working, learning and still not be at peace.                                Sometimes I could be doing everything right and still not seem to find peace.

Sometimes the scars of the past break past the peace.

Sometimes the struggles of the present leave me crying for peace.

And sometimes the fear of the future are an hindrance to let my heart be at peace.

Breaking past the false attachments, constantly struggling to keep my iman in place, trying hard to get over and let go of a lot of things… are a few of the many challenges that I find myself trying to overcome in my Pursuit of Peace, everyday…every second.

Today, for me, peace is that feeling I get when everything can seem to be absolutely wrong and yet I can trust that Allah(swt) will make everything alright! Peace – that feeling  I get when I get up from sujood after crying a million tears and pouring my heart out to the Almighty. Peace – that feeling I get when I adorn my hijab before leaving home, Alhumdulillah.

Peace, that which only my Almighty can bless my life with. Peace, that this world can never ever give me. Peace that my heart can find only by being close to the Owner of Peace.

Peace – by submitting to Him and Him alone.

Alhumdulillah, Alhumdulillah, Alhumdulillah for everything!

I found myself praying for peace today.
I’ve been in and out of my mind a thousand times
I know You heard me.
I know I wasn’t alone in that room,
shaking with the fear of fear,
the harrowing loneliness.
I cried out to You on my hands. On my knees.
With my face pushed down against the ground.
If I could have gotten lower, I swear I would.
Because that is helplessness, the truest kind…
The kind that knows nothing, not one leaf, or tear, or smile can be
without Him.
I learned something today.
This is dunya. Dunya. Not a place of ease. Only glitter.
The place where you have to feel cold and hungry.
The place where you have to worry and feel scared.
The place where it gets cold.
So cold, sometimes.
The place where you have to leave the people you love.
Where you can’t get attached, because even if you do, it doesn’t make it stay, it just makes it hurt when it doesn’t.
The place where happiness and sadness are only players, waiting for their next line in a play…
Competing for their place on stage.
The place where gravity makes you fall, and frailty makes you bleed.
The place where sadness exists, because it must.
And tears fall to remind you of a place where they don’t.
Where they just don’t.

And isn’t that just it? Isn’t jennah that place after all,
that place that Allah describes over and over and over in 2 ways?:
La khawfun alayhim wa la hum yahzanoon…
On them shall be no fear…nor shall they grieve.

But I’m still here, aren’t I?
The scar on my flesh reminds me of that.
The burn on my arm left a scar that I love.
I love it because it reminds me how weak I am.
How human.
That I burn. That I bleed. That I break. That I scar.
Yes. It is here that I am. Here that I fall. Here that I cry.
Here, just the same, that You filled that room, and lifted me to humbleness, and an acute knowledge of my own powerlessness and excruciating need for You.
And then you took care of it.
Of course You did.
Of course.
Like Younus, and Musa, and his mother. You took care of it.
You are the Peace of the peaceful.
The Strength of the strong.
The lighthouse of Truth in this storm of lies.
So, I found myself praying for peace today.

[Author- Yasmin Mogahed]

Ya Allah! Help our hearts find peace! Soften our heart, strengthen our Imaan, and don’t ever let us go away from you, for we are nothing without you! You alone we worship and you alone we ask for help! So, help us overcome all the trials of this world, so we can find eternal peace in the hereafter! Ameen!

P.S. Alhumdulillah, this is the 100th post of this blog.